Video Game Powers I Wish I Had

We’ve all been asked the question if you could have any super heroes/villains power what would it be. You would usually run into a small group of answers. Flight. Invisibility. Invincibility. Wolverine‘s Claws (Not Even a Super Power). Occasionally you would run into a more comic educated nerd would give you a deep seeded answer with the philosophy to back it up. Rare in normal social settings, but it would still happen. I would usually answer with Goku’s powers from Dragon Ball Z which would confuse or irritate the questioner. As of late, I have been playing more video games than I have been reading graphic novels. This is unfortunate, but I still try to keep up with Locke & Key, Hellblazer and newly Justice League Dark.

Since I was a kid playing Super Nintendo, I have always imagined myself having some of the abilities or powers found in the video games. “I wish I could do that in real life,” was a common phrase in my life when I was younger. Today I decided to make a list of contemporary(ish) games that made me exclaim, “I wish I could do that.”

My actual list, that includes old games, is too long for purposes of this site.

Teleportation:  Zelda

Link plays an ocarina to teleport himself across the land of Hyrule. This would save me a lot on my car insurance.

Release Pheromones: Deus Ex

During the futuristic gameplay of Deus Ex: Human Revolution you have to bad cop/good cop yourself through numerous verbal encounters. To help you along, your character has the ability to release certain pheromones to steer your opponents brain waves in the right direction.  Application in this world: Every conversation you’ve ever had and will ever have.

Use Guitars To Make Heads Explode: Brutal Legend

Eddie (Jack Black) gets transported to the Heavy Metal world where he runs into fantasy versions of  Lemmy, Judas Priest’s Rob Halford, The Runaways’ Lita Ford, and Ozzy Osbourne as the Guardian of Metal. As well as heavy metal enthusiast comedian Brian Posehn. Eddie has the ability to blow up heads with the sheer awesomeness of his guitar rifts. You could simultaneously be the God of Metal and Ruler of the World.

Dominate: Mass Effect 2

The Mass Effect video game series is one big space opera full of aliens, governments, space battles, artificial intelligence and galaxy saving heroics. One of the characters has an ability, teachable to the main protagonist, that allows him/her to dominate an enemy into doing whatever is required. This is in combat circumstances in the game but it would be as equally effective in the real world. Just think of the candy you could take from kids on Halloween.

Portal Gun: Portal

For those that are unaware of what a portal gun is. It’s a gun that shoots two portals onto a flat surface. Once both portals are placed, the user (or any object above the portal) can step through either one of the portals and come out through the other portal.

This could assist in: travel, sexual harassment, traffic, long distance sex & relationships and robbery.

Eat Small Children to Gain Power: Bioshock

Alright, that child isn’t the cutest in the world but it sure is tasty in the Bioshock worlds. In the game you have two paths to choose from. You can either save the children, known as little sisters in the game world, or devour them for an easier path to power. If I had the ability to eat children’s souls to gain power, I would definitely go around eating the ugliest of children.

Keep Seven Foot Sword In Pocket: Final Fantasy

He pulls that sword out of his pocket before combat. That’s a knife.


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Categories: Video Games

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One Comment on “Video Game Powers I Wish I Had”

  1. Shun kazami
    04.15.12 at 9:53 AM #

    YAY! CLOUD! ^w^

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