7 Things To Do While Waiting For A Plane


At this time three weeks ago (6:00 P.M. EST) I was aboard a one-way flight from Philadelphia International to San Diego. I almost spent as much time waiting for my plane as I did in the air. The only time I could find transportation to my departing airport was at 10am in the cab of my brothers part cluttered work truck. My flight departed at 6:45pm. I had a seven hour wait period at the get-go.

The flight was a pleasant experience. I sat next to a guy that had his head between his legs for most of the flight. The captain said we would be running into a storm in Denver. The next five minutes were devoted to convincing him that he heard the announcement incorrectly and there would be clear skies awaiting us. Lies.

He  managed to catch an hour or so of sleep, waking up just in time to see the coat of ice reach the wing rudders. His head went back into its secure, self-fellating position and I went scrolling through my iPod to find the song I had already chosen for a plane crash: “Long Way Down” by the Goo Goo Dolls.

We both went on to experience the roughest plane landing we had ever felt. It’s a miracle he didn’t get whiplash. A miracle I say.  He was lucky enough to leave the airport after the incident. I on the other-hand had to wait out a delay because of an ice storm. It gave me plenty of time to make a list of things to do while waiting for a plane.

Find Your Dame/Gent

by Agata Nowicka

Every airport has one at a given time. A Dame. A Gent. They’ll be wearing a red dress, a white one. A blue Italian cut suit, a black one. Her high-heeled stride will be practiced and hypnotic. His will frighten and entice you. The carry-on luggage will be hard-shelled and big enough to hold one casual business outfit for drinks at the bar, one perfectly constructed outfit for the board meeting. Bathroom utensils (possibly a condom) for the hotel their company is paying for.

Find them, breathe them in. You’ll never see anyone like them again. They’re your dame. Your gent.

This is also known as stalking.

Choose Your Song: Take-Off & Landing

by David McLean & Coco Dávez

Unless you’re a frequent flyer you won’t get too many opportunities to be listening to music while climbing or descending tens of thousands of feet into the air. You’ll have to be discreet while pulling this off because all electronics are suppose to be off during take-off and landing. If you don’t want to risk being scolded (or causing a plane crash) just choose the first song you’ll listen to once you reach 10,000 feet – the height at which you’ll be allowed to turn on your electronics.

The sun was setting when my plane was taking off. I went with A.A. Bondy.

Choose Your Song: Plane Crash

by xstuntkidx

In the infinitesimal chance your plane goes down in a blaze of glory, a song much too slow for rapid descent, one should always be prepared with a song to play you out of this life. A different song can be chosen for an instance involving being sucked out of the airplane mid-flight.

Make a List of Guesses

Jae Lee & Richard Isanove

This one will take some paper work and a naturally curious mind. Or you’re a writer who likes to put random facts into your travel stories. You will be guessing the number of objects or colors you will see by the time you reach 10,000 feet or by the time you reach your destination. For example, my first guess was I would see 5 baseball fields by the time I would reach 10,000 feet. I saw 11. I can now say it takes 11 baseball fields to reach 10,000 feet when leaving from the Philadelphia International Airport and sitting on the left side of the plane.

I also guessed for one city shaped like a cowboy. I was correct.

Make Up Your Persona for the Flight

Fight Club (by Unknown)

You will inevitably be talking to the person sitting next to you on the plane and you should be prepared for this. By prepared I mean have a fake identity ready to have hilarious and heart warming conversations. By hilarious and heart warming, I mean devious and creepy. Freak out your fellow passengers. You’ll never see them again.

Make Up Stories for Travelers

by Yanni Floros

This is also a viable idea for the bar scene. Although it will make you appear a lot more anti-social. The gist of this time consuming activity is to take a person that you can keep an eye on easily and observe them thoroughly. Once you have spent an adequate amount of time noting some of their character traits, make up your own personal version of their life story.

Same sex targets work a little better because you can follow them into the bathroom to see if they wash their hands. Other things to take note of when crafting their ridiculous life story:

  • Sock Color
  • Pant length
  • Carry-On Baggage
  • Facial Hair (Man or Woman)
  • Taste in Food and Drink
  • Attractiveness on whatever scale you choose to use
  • Family or Friends That are With Them
  • Attire
  • Electronic Accessories
  • Vocal Tone on the Phone
  • What Gate They’re Waiting Around (i.e. Where They Are Going)
  • Underwear (Bathroom Visit)

If All Else Fails: Read a Book

by Jillian Tamaki

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6 Comments on “7 Things To Do While Waiting For A Plane”

  1. 11.17.11 at 1:51 PM #

    I’ve never been on a plane but I will keep these in mind when the day comes ^__^

  2. 11.17.11 at 6:21 PM #

    Take note, If you hover over the illustrations it will tell you who the artist is.

    • Colin Holmes
      11.18.11 at 10:35 AM #

      All those illustrations are super hipster-faggish.

  3. 04.3.12 at 10:22 PM #

    did you illustrate those ? unique post – enjoyed it 🙂

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