7 Types of People You’ll Find in the Pit

I decided to make a list of the types (roles) of people found inside your average indie/alternative/rock pit. I have no experience with country, pop, disco or rave general admission pits. You’ll have to look elsewhere for those stereotypes.

The Drunk

You know this fucker. Their armpits and sweat will get obnoxiously close to your face. Their beer will be, at some point in the night, be soaked into your shirt. They will take a ‘breather’ on your back – a.k.a. they will be slouched on top of you talking about how great the headlining band is with unintelligible words and trailing sentences. They will be loud, they will be pushy, and they will be drunk.

Watch out for the female version of the drunk, they try to push their ways to the front using their feminine flexibility.

Note: I was at a show on Saturday with my sister and she told me that some girl lied about being groped to get a guy out of her way.

People in the Pit

The Protector

The defender of all that is good inside of the pit, the protector makes sure everyone has a good view of the stage and isn’t being battered by the spinning mosh pit.They usually focus their motherly energies making sure the girls in the crowd aren’t being abused or harassed. They’ll stand in front of the females when the moshing gets close and keep their hands held high so the crowd surfers don’t take out someones face with a leg. They’ll ask the taller fellas to scootch an inch to the right so the lady in the back can see the lead singer, and they’ll physically remove drunks from unruly situations.

People in the Pit

This type of person is normally a male, but girls do occasionally take up the role.

The Meathead

Hopefully, this role is being played by someone who gets knocked out in the mosh pit or the getting kicked out for groping someone. If not, you’ll have the joy of dealing with the following:

  • Inopportune Wooo’s
  • Upper-body nakedness
  • Flexing
  • Horrible attempts at flirtation
  • Terrible cologne smells
  • An atrocious singing voice
  • Hats
  • Chest beating and other displays of manliness
  • Tales of manly accomplishments

This is an exclusively male role. Yay.

The Uber-Fan

They will be right against the rails in the front of the crowd. When the headliner is on stage, they won’t move. They will just stare deeply into the pelvis’ of everyone on stage. Except the drummer. Uber-Fans usually forget drummer exist. Probably because the drummer’s pelvic bone is located too far away.

People in the Pit

They will obey every command given to them by the leader singer or none. There is no in between for the Uber Fan. They know all the words and will sends glares to anyone behind them that doesn’t know the exact time of every syllable. In between sets they’ll be talking about past show set lists and how many hours it took them to trim their pubic hair. You know, just in case they get a chance to sleep with them.

This title is usually held by girls.

The Absurdly Tall Person

People in the Pit

There’s always at least one really tall fucker that is towards the front of the pit. Usually about three rows back, towards the center of the stage. Looming over everyone around him and pissing off every fan behind him. You want to give him your understanding because he has the right to be there with everyone else. But, for fucks sake you just wish he was standing somewhere else.

I have yet to run across a female that fits this type.

The Comedian

This person will be your entertainment between and during some of the early sets. They’ll inject humor into their hatred for the opening bands. Make sarcastic remarks about every other type of person on this list and you will enjoy it.

I would say this role falls to a male 3 out of 5 times. Usually heavier with facial hair and friendly eyes. Sometimes can also be The Drunk or The Protector.

Tyler Labine fits this role nicely.

The Complainer

Nothing will ever satisfy this person. Not even my description of them.


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Categories: People

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4 Comments on “7 Types of People You’ll Find in the Pit”

  1. 03.7.12 at 8:19 AM #

    i’ve been all 7 of those… at the same time… on a few occasions

  2. 03.8.12 at 6:57 PM #

    Mike Pop should be it’s own category.

  3. 03.8.12 at 6:58 PM #


  4. Mara
    03.12.12 at 3:50 AM #

    c’mon, let’s not be too harsh on stereotyping! let’s call these people archetypes :)))))

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